September 14, 2002
FREE ADVICE: Janet Reno is following the "I demand a recount!" strategy of the Gore campaign in Florida. This failed in 2000; instead of using it again, she should be making the sorts of bold gestures that she's become famous for.
Instead of just asking for recounts and praying, she should go the whole nine yards: get the Secretary of State to order votes for her counted twice and votes for McBride dumped into the Gulf of Mexico. To do this, simply puncture the walls of his office building with tanks and pump in the tear gas until he yields or kills himself. Remember, fires burn best on dry, windy days.
The state elections canvassing commission may be reluctant to do her any favors, so she might consider kidnapping their children and sending them to Cuba.
Such actions, of course, will require a strike force that's not too particular about such distinctions as "military" and "police" (the old "peace officer" methods of subduing people with the least amount of force necessary are so trite; soldiers, trained to kill, are much more effective in any police action). Surely, Reno must have some contacts from her days as AG who can hook her up.
May the assault begin!